During the cold, wintry days of February 2005, I was reflecting on my childhood and how my personal life lessons relate to the lives of today's modern girl. In a profound and brief moment of inspiration, I identified a disconnect from my sense of Self and Spirit when my esteem and overall security and well-being diminished. In my reflections, I realized that I had gone from a happy, bold, and care-free preteen to a self-conscious adolescent lacking confidence, respect, balance, and joy. But what went wrong and why? How did I so suddenly lose that vital connection to my happy and confident self? What could have kept me connected to my divine and magnificent Self and Spirit in my young life? Does this same disconnect happen to today's girls? My musings took me deeper into my childhood memories searching for clues, and for answers.
As a young child, I remember being showered with love from my family, friends, and teachers. I remember many fun, happy, and love-filled memories with my immediate and extended family. I remember, too, enjoying school, hanging out with my friends, and loving to play outside on the neighbor's property, where his horses roamed freely. All the "right" pieces were in place for me to be raised a happy, confident, and connected girl. And then I began to have flashes of a superficially angry but deeply sad girl. I flashed moments of despair and suffering, discord and discomfort. Some of these memories were so powerful that the emotions felt real, some even felt scary. There were two distinct versions of me surfacing in my memories, and I knew that the space between the two versions contained vital clues to understanding how I became so disconnected; clues that could guide me in ways to help the young girls of today stay connected to their divine Spirits.
One version I remembered of me loved herself, her life and others, while the other version judged herself harshly, ridiculed her life, and belittled others because they weren't "cool" or "in" or "popular." I soon identified the space where I lost my connection to my true Self as that very moment when I entered the often cruel and frightening realm of adolescence. What concerned me even more is that I could foresee a possible disconnect from Spirit in the marvelous preteen girls in my life who were on the edge of adolescence. My desire to relate my personal life lessons to those of the modern girl was intensifying, as was my desire to help and to make a difference in their lives. But I was not yet done digging through my past for answers.
